Do Not Presume to Know Me

Do not presume to know me

I am not yours to know

Do not walk beside me

I am for you to follow

Do not speak my name

It is not yours to say

Do not dare engage me

Only walk the other way

Do not prescribe or judge me

I am not for you to judge

Do not try to hold me

I am not yours to clutch

Do not say you've seen me

I have nothing to show

Do not presume to know me

I am not yours to know

Walk in the Sand

What magnificent landscapes your back would make

To hang upon my wall

Over rolling hills and in the valley of your spine

My fingers walk tall

Thine ears would make the perfect shell

For some sea-faring beast

I pour in silvery sands, grains of deepest love

And upon pearls, I feast

Wither wouldst thy feet take me

Over bridges, with wings?

Or tunnel through your heaving chest

To feel where your heart sings?

Perhaps, my love, it is my feet, my back, my heart

That will carry you

For in troubled times the pairs of footprints

Rarely number two.

I want to Be

I want to be the water that washes your face

And removes all trace of dark yesterdays

I want to be the shirt that touches your back

And covers your heart from cold always

I want to be the shoes upon your feet

That carry you across the endless miles

I want to be the food that fills your belly

And bring you strength to weep and to smile

I want to be the wind that blows through your hair

And cools your fiery frown

I want to be the ground beneath your feet

And support your weight from falling down

I want to be the memory

That brings you back to me.

You knew me

You knew me

You ran your fingers through my veins

You caressed my bones

And fingered the sinew

You tasted my hair

And knew my teeth by heart

You bit my nails

You licked my eyes

You knew me

Now I have new blood

My bones are cracked in new places

I washed and cut my hair

And wore braces to adjust my teeth

I let my nails grow long

And cried my eyes right out.

With my new ones I can see myself

And I see that I am beautiful

I no longer need you to tell me.

Island

Black flowers bloom on a cliff top

Blue waves, blue, crash on the rock

A single ship, a single sailor

Solitary, alone, afraid

Wanting to become an island

Give up hope of other sands

To be with the flowers, their velvet pitch

Captivated by their dark beauty

Hypnotised, sinking deep into the purple sky

Deeper and deeper

Until breath comes no more

Feeling the chain biting

It's time to run

Black flowers poison the mind

Break the spell

Run to the ship, sail away

Swim if you have to

No woman is an island.

Spite myself

You're class A

Not in a good way.

It eases my pain to know you'll never win the battle with your demons,

many as they are.

I love the bones I am ready to break in two.

Still, to blow down your house and send you running, little pig,

would give me strange pleasure.

Sickness within my within

Growing inside like a lover's seed

Yet stale was it that loved.

The infection spreads like ink through water

Pure nevermore.

I must drive you out, damned spot,

Wash my hands of you,

Comb you out of my hair,

Flush you out of my system.

For, dearest Revenge is a dish

best served as cold as your blackened heart.

Why wait?

When I am old

I will have a black cat.

I will live in a cottage

in the heart of a forest,

And I will wear a pointed hat.

When I am old

I will fly on a broom.

I will pick wild herbs

to put in my pot,

And burn sage in every room.

When I am old

I will have whiskers and warts.

I will dance naked

in the light of a full moon,

And sing out all my thoughts.

When I am old

I will dress like a man.

I will mend my roof with magic,

dig the soil with my bare hands,

And spit and curse and damn.

When I am old

I will live my life

Exactly as I want to,

answering to no one but myself,

And the world will be my wife.

Stargazer

As we stargaze side by side

You ask me to pick out a star

and name it after you

I search all through the never-after

But in vain I strain my eyes

Don't you realize?

Your name is already written

On my ever-beating heart

Spelled out in stars

The stars I see in your eyes

Are more dazzling than the heavens

Don't you realize?

Empty hopes and False promises

Dark is your mind, as the sea

Deep in shadow, clear and clean.

Hidden corners hide half-rememberances.

In years' time

You will return to me

Across land and ocean

Through sky

Open is your heart, to rain

Slowly, beats chime into your sleeping pillow

You dream as I dream of you.

In a different time

In your different mind

Sits a box, small and humble

Colourless but wrapped

In crushed velvet

Which shimmers every now and then

From the light of your sparkling eyes.

Fresh Fall

She sits in a darkened room

The girl with eyes like the sea

The inside of an oyster shell

Pearls dropping on her knee

She sits in a silent room

The girl with hair like rope

Strong enough to pull down a dam

And drown all thoughts of hope

Sit sits in an empty room

The girl with lips like cherries

One kiss will break a thousand hearts

And put a mind at ease

She rises like the morning sun

And opens the dirty window

To gaze upon the newborn world

Not a footstep in the snow.

Still

There is still a hair

In the sink where you washed

This morning

There is still a fingernail

On the floor from when you cut them

Yesterday

There is still the smell of spices

In the kitchen where you cooked

On Friday

There is still a breath

On my mirror where you sighed

A wet stain on my pillow where you cried

And a warm space on my carpet

Where your last footstep fell and died.

That Which Doesn't Kill Me

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger

The longer I repeat it the more I believe it, as I feel it

sinking into me, like drinking whiskey and coke

and smoking all night till I choke on the joke that you made in the bed that was me and I'm not gonna fade as soon as you say 'Sorry'.

Now I'm not just gonna let this lie and hide in my mind what I'm feeling inside.

I know why you lied, but it's beyond my comprehension how it could be your intention

to accuse and abuse and use women, left like tissues on your bedroom floor.

Did I mention you can cry me a fucking river for the one who delivered you into temptation.

What a revelation that people are cruel, only fuel for the fire. You conspire to inspire a trust and a lust which must only disgust and offend you coz it sends you right back to where you thought you would be when she said those three little words.

How absurd that you've clearly not learned to let go of the hate, so great that the weight will crush you and push you down so deep you cannot sleep for fear that you'll never climb back.

You sent a shock to my system, started the rhythm of the heart in my chest, just a test for me to pass at long last.

I will learn from this

I will grow

Like a flower, I will tower, unaffected by weeds and the seeds of haters who just gonna hate.

Too late now to hide away in your corner. Should I warn her that though he may like it, he's never gonna put a ring on it?

All the things he said took him from one bed to another.

Go to your mother if you want a bosom for a pillow

I'm not your willow, a shelter from the world, just a fucked up girl looking for my own peace of mind, being kind, not resigned to desire to burn others with my fire (although, she is smart to stay away from me, guess she's not all that dumb)

Now I'm numb from the neck up, need a check up. You really fucked up my system, now listen:

You might trick me once, I won't let you trick me twice

I'll follow my own advice and be nice until positivity comes through my creativity.

And I can finally see that all I need is me.

What a Woman Wants

Do not send me roses

Or other such dead posies

I will not cut their stems in half

I will not put them in a vase

Do not buy me stylish shoes

Or dresses in baby pinks and blues

I will not wear them on the street

Or show them off upon my feet

Do not give me wedding bands

Or things to wear upon my hands

I will not walk down any aisle

Or stand out front as though on trial

Do not take me to far off places

Or dazzle me with bright-lit spaces

I will not gasp in awe and delight

I will not photograph the sights

Only take me as you find

Love that I know my own mind

Run with me and be my own

Whisper things when we're alone

About the way the world will be

When I have you, and you have me.

A Clock in Place of a Heart

They took out my heart and put in a clock

If you stand close you can hear it

Tick...

Tock...

Tick...

Tock...

Locking away away the time I've been spending

Mending my broken ribs

Telling spoken fibs

About little things the make no difference

But for the inference that there's some

New Truth to be found

Deep undeground, where we now grow

Our children's children

But that's in the past

Where all things last

In the memory, through time

Until the colours fade and the words no longer...

How to

Ask me

Burn me

Challenge me

Doubt me

Expect something from me

Free me

Grow on me

Hold me

Include me

Jam with me

Keep me

Love me

Misunderstand me

Name me

Owe me

Push me

Quench me

Reach for me

Show me

Teach me

Use me

Value me

Withstand me

X me

Yearn for me

Zoom in on me

Did you?

What did you do with the rest of your yesterday?

Did it turn out just the way

You wanted it when you flaunted it

without a word

You just turned and burned all bridges

From the arch to the banks

Did they stand at your flanks and

drive you once more into the breach?

Did you reach a conclusion off your own steam

in a dream that seemed so real at the time?

Did you find the way you move has changed,

your steps and nods are now so strange

that friends don't know you on the street?

Do you point your feet at a new angle

while you try to untangle the strangling grip

of the strip around your gut that pulled and cut

you almost in two?

Did you stay true to who you deeply used to be

when you were free to see the holes in the road?

Did you fold under the pressure to reassure those around you that

you were really okay?

Did you stay away so they wouldn't know how slowly

you dragged you feet to your seat under the strip lights

and how much you struggled to fight the lethargy

with feigned energy and a smile

all the while dying a little inside with every handset clicked down?

Did you?

Or did you quickly do the math and change your path,

throwing down one future of the living dead for something

new instead?

Did you change your head and heart through and through?

Now I barely recognise you :)

A letter

Another rainy Monday ends

With a letter in my pocket to send

To my mother, ink running down the page

In lines, across her face, showing age.

Laughter lines on her eyes

Show no surprise at anything I say anymore.

She knows me better than I know the lyrics to my favourite song

And I can do no wrong in the

Apple of her eye

Though I've tried

To shock

To mock

To take all I can and give nothing back.

A letter, a hand reaching out, to touch a heart

So far apart.

Anniversary

I died a year ago today.

I cannot count the ways in which the word 'died' applies.

Physically, emotionally, potentially.

An entire future blown away in an instant of 'I'm sorry'.

Yes, I had seen that look before, but

Somehow had managed to pull you back

From the edge

With a pledge

That if you kissed me ever again you'd better

Never let go

Don't say you weren't warned.

My reaction was not even close to a woman scorned

because, fool that I am, I loved you. Yes.

My heart beat on, weak and distraught

but not a tear did I shed for the pain that you wrought

and ravaged on my being in every sense of the word.

Blame doesn't even come into it.

Feel and remember as I do, yet what do I do now?

In this moment, in this place, in this 'new life'

that I've made for myself: What am I to do?

This longing for comfort, for warmth, for Something, anything I reckognise

puts thought in my head, things so unwise.

Like fucking a coworker just to feel the weight,

and the effects of big strong hands.

One night stands are for the faint hearted

and my beat is coming loud and clear.

A single step.

A flash of winter in my approach to summer, you are.
Snow glittering on the pavement, melting in the road.
Cars drive fast, over my neck, as I walk away
Away.

Away from the memory of the moment, of the movement
Trying so hard to walk, not run, away.

Planes fly so fast above white clouds
and blue skys, through the stars
But even stars cast a shadow.

The memory of the moment, of the pressure, receding
I missed, I hated, I longed for, I ache.

Halfway around the world.
Now it's you turn to run. Don't walk.
The rest of the way.
All the way back into me.

Smoke and Mirrors

You were my sweetest downfall.
Sweet like the sugar in my coffee
Too much quickens the heart,
sends shooting pains through the legs
and dizzies the head.
I dread the day we meet again.
I will always remember when
my whole being was yours
and I gave myself over to desire and greed and
self-preservation and lust and fear and envy and
You were my sweetest downfall.
Sweet like the chocolate on my cake
that sends chemicals rushing through my blood
and flood my brain with an illusion of being in love.
From dizzying heights my heart would take flight
taking dives towards knives that would cut and slice
Mental scars and the shards of broken mirrors
left in my chest, knowing what's best for me
despite my own struck perspective that I may have been all you needed me to be
if only I'd let you be and if you'd let yourself be happy.

You were my sweetest downfall.
Falling down from a place too high to catch
my breath or a glimpse of the beauty for the brightness
blinding me to the truth within your blackest eyes.
YOU were my sweetest downfall.
Sweet like the wine that pushes the blood tearing through
the neck you bit down on in passion and desire.
All an illusion. Just false hopes and empty threats
of the loss of something never possessed.